My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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