the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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