Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
