I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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