I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
