Reggie can tackle my bush.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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