Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
