I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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