apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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