I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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