i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
