There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
