Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
tell me about the fingering
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