the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
