scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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