look no pants
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
