He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
