I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
