I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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