i was born a porn star she said
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
