I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
