oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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