Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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