At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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