guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
