I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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