Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
