There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
