she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
