Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
