Define "chronic" masturbator.
Someone shit on the floor
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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