Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
