I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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