i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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