Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
