She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Found your dick twin last night
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
