So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
