She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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