Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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