I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just cropdusted the office
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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