You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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