You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize