I'm going to rape someone's good day.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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