It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So much rum. So many feels.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize