i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
