Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
