first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
