Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
