is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
