You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
