He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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