Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

I chose taco bell over sex...

(503): View more from Oregon

good choice.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

ugh. my soul tastes like vodka

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(636): View more from Missouri

So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.

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(+48): View more from Poland

It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious

(1-336): View more from North Carolina

I'm all about the fuck

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