And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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