Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
