I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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