she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Randomize
