threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
