: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
