You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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