READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
