I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
