we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I woke up under a house in Key West
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
