I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
