Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
